I'm "Special"

hello friends and family, this is a larger than life proof that I am alive! It is also kind of creepy to think that this is exactly what Carson sees every time he eats, no wonder he says "all done" and "down" almost immediately after he sits down, poor kid.

School, seriously were do I begin. (I am in class now, waiting to be passed off on a GI assessment). My life has been a blur. It has been a tortuous 7 weeks so far. I have never been busier in my life or as stressed out. If I wasn't organized, or have a calendar I wouldn't know what day it was. Here's my weekly schedule, the Reader's Digest Version:

Monday-study and drive to the hospital to prep, then stay at a friends house and be up most of the night so that I can spend some time with Carson during the day.

Tuesday-Med Surg Clinical until 7pm, drive home, eat dinner, study, sleep?

Wednesday-Lecture 8am-4pm, when that's over I drive to the hospital to prep for clinical

Thursday morning, drive home and do paperwork all night so that I can be prepared to take care of my patient the next morning. Thursday-clinical 5:30am-4pm.

Fri/Sat-I don't officially have class the rest of the weekend but my weekends are spent with my nose in books, notes, videos, etc. I have at least one test every weekend and have to complete paperwork from the days I was in the hospital.

Then Sundays, my day of rest include church and RS Presidency Meetings.

I am so thankful that Andrew is an involved and helpful Dad. Before the last few months I can honestly say that in the six years that we had been married that he never went grocery shopping alone...but he sure does now and I appreciate it because I know that it isn't his favorite thing to do, but it helps me out a lot! I seriously COULD NOT DO THIS WITHOUT YOU!

After all my hard work and seriously school is all that I do, I am failing one of my classes. I do not share this with pride...I am horrified! The frustrating thing is that the exams aren't on the material covered in class and the last exam had material that hasn't even been covered in lecture. When I brought this to my teacher she acted like she didn't know that the uncovered material was on the test. Pause-shouldn't the instructor KNOW what her students are being tested on??

I have met with my instructor to see what I should do and she told me to drop the course and talk to the Dean of the program to file a petition to re-take the class. The Dean was upset that the teacher sent me in and she instructed me not to drop but to talk with my instructor again. She said this because if I had to drop, so would the other half of my class. After an exam this weekend I went to discuss my "situation" with my instructor and she asked if I had never been tested for a learning disability---WHAT? She was serious!

I think she should be tested for being incompetant. She has mentioned more than once that this is her last semester teaching this course--translation--if we don't pass, it's not her problem. She also has a full plate with her husband being recently diagnosed with cancer. I empathize with what she must be going through but we as students should not be affected by her circumstances.

Defending myself I mentioned that I have never before in my academic career failed a course...so that I felt that her exams were the problem...yes, I actually said that. I preceded to tell her that in the same class for clinical (our grade is 50/50 but we have to pass both with at least a 70%) that I had an A and was doing exceptionally well both hands on and in paperwork.

My teacher was surprised because in "her experience" a student who doesn't perform well in lecture doesn't perform well in clinical either. I told her that if I wasn't doing well in both parts on the class, I would have already dropped but that I had an A in clinical. She did question my clinical instructor telling me that she was "new at this"...that was a low blow if you ask me and she said that she would have to reassess my already graded paperwork--go for it. I told her I would be assessed for a learning disability if that is what she would like but I told her that I would not drop after doing this much work and that something else would have to be done.

This semester has been an emotional rollercoaster. I feel like they don't want us to succeed but I cannot do any more than I am so I am at my whits end. All I know is that I am not going down without a fight!

With all that negativity out there, I will tell you what makes me happy and helps me endure this brutal time...my family.
Carson has taken an interest in mimicking our every move. That includes shaving, applying makeup, wearing our shoes, brushing his hair, scrambling eggs---yes he really does scramble--by himself--I love my kitchen helper.
Carson loves to sing and that makes me sing-a good time--if you're deaf!

I love my flowers that Andrew got to brighten my day although I must admit that I wasn't home to enjoy them like I would like, they were beautiful!